Heart or Head?
Today has not been what I had expected it would be. My supposed to be quiet relaxing Sunday was over when my mobile suddenly rang and I heard my mother's voice across the line which was quite rare since it always has been my father's voice that I expect to hear.
"Nonnie, Papa is in hospital, he fainted earlier during the service at the church!" she cried with squeaky voice.
A few simple words that felt like a knife was just stabbed on my chest. I suddenly felt tears on the corners of my eyes and started to get histerical...
"What happened?!!!" I couldn't help myself crying on the phone. This was about my Papa, my world, the first man in my life and no other men would ever take over him from the first spot of winning my heart.
Apparently, he was exhausted from all his activities. He just came back from the States a few days ago and pushed himself too hard to cope with his daily routine back home. So, I calmed down after a while.
Then this thought came across my head...the main reason why I'm planning to go back to Indo after I graduate here is my parents. I don't think my heart belongs to Indonesia but my parents definitely occupy a big part of my heart. I have this obligation to be with them and take care after them and pay all my dues and I will undoubtly do it with all my heart and soul.
But...there is a part of me wondering, will I be happy living in Indo? will I be satisfied? Because I am having the time of my life here in Europe. I have never felt so good about myself. I am surrounded by my beloved friends and the beauty of Europe. And God knows how I love the freedom that I have here.
Sometimes the future freaks me out. I remember how I was dying to become an adult when I was a kid and now I am dying to become a kid when I am now about to enter the adult gate.
Which path should I take?
Which one should I listen to?
My heart or my head?
"Nonnie, Papa is in hospital, he fainted earlier during the service at the church!" she cried with squeaky voice.
A few simple words that felt like a knife was just stabbed on my chest. I suddenly felt tears on the corners of my eyes and started to get histerical...
"What happened?!!!" I couldn't help myself crying on the phone. This was about my Papa, my world, the first man in my life and no other men would ever take over him from the first spot of winning my heart.
Apparently, he was exhausted from all his activities. He just came back from the States a few days ago and pushed himself too hard to cope with his daily routine back home. So, I calmed down after a while.
Then this thought came across my head...the main reason why I'm planning to go back to Indo after I graduate here is my parents. I don't think my heart belongs to Indonesia but my parents definitely occupy a big part of my heart. I have this obligation to be with them and take care after them and pay all my dues and I will undoubtly do it with all my heart and soul.
But...there is a part of me wondering, will I be happy living in Indo? will I be satisfied? Because I am having the time of my life here in Europe. I have never felt so good about myself. I am surrounded by my beloved friends and the beauty of Europe. And God knows how I love the freedom that I have here.
Sometimes the future freaks me out. I remember how I was dying to become an adult when I was a kid and now I am dying to become a kid when I am now about to enter the adult gate.
Which path should I take?
Which one should I listen to?
My heart or my head?
posted by Patty at
9:41 AM
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